Jacked Like A Convict
By Tom Furman
Rather than glorify a life of incarceration, we can view the end result of a fairly controlled environment.
Prison life, whether it be about drugs, sex, violence or boredom can be ignored or studied. In this case, I and others are studying the methodology to stay fit, get strong and build armor.
The book series, “Convict Conditioning by Paul Wade”, or “Jailhouse Strong by Josh Bryant” have explored this area rather well. The following article is just one idea for a template and training method.
Rather than bore you with prison life stories that other with more experience and insight have covered so well, I’ll isolate the factors involved in the physical training during incarceration.
- Minimal equipment.
- No time limit.
- Adequate recovery.
- Volume is king.
The workout will encompass pushing, pulling, hinging and squatting. When the movements are done properly, the core will take care of itself. I want to be clear here, when people do bodyweight or ‘prison style’ workouts, they tend to do some light aerobics and then just bang out push ups and pull ups. This is wrong.
“Why ignore 50% of the human body?” — Dean Lister, 3 Time Abu Dhabi Champion
The lower body and particularly the posterior chain have massive potential for strength, size and athleticism. Training only chest and arms, or “beach muscles”, does little to enhance total body strength and conditioning. In fact there is a physiological term for this. It’s called, “being a pussy”.
Being bigger and stronger in prison protects you not only physically, but psychologically. There is a difference in mentality too. Your days may involve thinking about shanking and not an elevator speech to sell overpriced Boca Raton real estate.
The social structure changes too. Who you trust and who you avoid are based on keeping your heart pumping and not on rude social media posts.
An odd byproduct of this workout is it’s longevity enhancing factors. Let’s highlight three.
Push Up Strength means you hopefully live longer. — https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6484614/
One Leg Balance and aging.— https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3415179/
Grip Strength as you age. — https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6778477/
So by following this workout diligently, you can, essentially, turn back the clock to a degree. Of course, not being in a prison yard helps your life expectancy as well.
Let’s look at the four components.
Pushups. This is standard fare. There are THREE variations, which means you will change the style after a TWELVE week cycle.
The 3 styles are —
Standard Push Up
Keep your body stiff as a rod and note the proper angle for the arms.
Do not look up. Look at the ground. Tighten the abdominals and do not sag at all. Do not have the elbows pointing wide or you will destroy your shoulders. Keep the thighs and butt tight to irradiate strength to the movement.
Decline Push Up
All the rules of the standard push up, but with the feet elevated.
The height of the bench or box will determine the increased load on the upper body.
Pseudo Planche Push Ups.
The hand placement is near the hips. The palms can be supinated and the top position has you flexing into a hollow body hold.
You may do these on your insteps rather than your toes as well. Hold the top position for a count to develop neglected muscle groups.
Bridging. Again there are three variations. With, in theory, no access to barbells or kettlebells, we do our best to train the posterior chain. Realize that training the muscles and not the movement are not the same. Don’t believe in smoke and mirrors.
Yoga Block Bridge
I’m sure cons aren’t big on yoga blocks unless you are Wesley Snipes, so use your sneakers or a rolled up towel. Focus on hold the top position for a count.
At the top of the bridge, squeeze the yoga block hard as you flex your butt. You should feel the front of the hip relax after a few reps.
Banded Bridge. This bridge is exactly like the last one in form. However you will be pushing OUT, firing your gluteus muscles to the max.
Wear the band above the knee. If you don’t have bands, use a belt.
Furniture Slide Bridge. They have things called, “Val-slides”, but normal furniture slides or socks or a rag on the floor work fine. This combines a bridge with a supine leg curl for a really intense contraction.
What is not shown in the illustration is holding a locked out bridge at the top of the sliding motion, with the hips fully extended. Hold the top contraction for a count.
Pull Ups. Being able to pull yourself up is a basic test of upper body strength. With small variations this is highly developmental to much of your arms and torso.
Standard Pull Up. Use an overhand grip of about shoulder width. Never go wide. It won’t alter bone structure.
Raise and lower yourself slowly. Don’t kip. Kipping is a gymnastic skill. It is only used for exercise by two groups, actors and assholes. Pull to about Adam’s apple level.
Gironda Chin Up. I call it a chin up since your palms are supinated. Vince Gironda insisted you pull to the sternum.
Arch the back and lean back. Endeavor to pull the bar to the sternum.
Commando Pullup. You will stand under the bar and place one hand in front of the other. Change grip position each set.
Pull high enough to almost brush the shoulder. Momentum and swaying are part of this drill but don’t let it get excessive.
If you think Commando pullups are too hard, well here is a guy in his 50’s doing them in a stark room.
Speed Skater Squats are the lower body exercise of choice. They require no equipment and are easy to learn. Because of the lack of barbell on your shoulders we transfer bodyweight to one leg. The important feature is that the torso is BENT forward so that at the lowest point, your torso can touch the thigh. Speed Skaters have a track record of some of the most developed, strong and ENDURING legs on the planet.
Standard Speed Skater Squats are the first style. You can reach forward or even hold something in extended arms for counterbalance.
Complete all repetitions on one side. You can stand near a wall to touch it occasionally as you are developing balance. Remember to lean the torso forward. This is a speed skater squat and NOT a lunge.
Alternating Speed Skater Squats are the exactly the same as the standard. However you will do one repetition right, then one repetition left. Don’t rush this, but set up properly. Gradual adaptation of the body will make this smoother.
Rear Leg Elevated Speed Skater Squats are the last variant. These are like Bulgarian Squats, but your torso is leaning forward with arms extended for counterbalance. Your torso will end up over your parallel thigh at the lowest position.
Your torso should be more angled than in this photo. The rear leg is supported by a suspension device, but a chair, milk crate or lower bunk will suffice.
Putting this together will focus on efficiency. Most people still have lives and need some organization to training. There is an A and B workout that focus on supersets or alternating exercises.
A Workout. Alternate Push Ups with Bridges. 10 reps per set.
B Workout. Alternate Pull Ups with Speed Skater Squats. 5 reps per set.
The first goal is to shoot for 10 sets of 10/10 in workout A. Workout B will be 10 sets of 5/5. Don’t rush the rest. Move leisurely from one exercise to another. This is not aerobics or Crossfit.
The second goal, [and how to achieve the first goal] is to GRADUALLY increase the volume workout to workout by adding sets. This involves taking a back off week once per month. (fourth week). That week will be of reduced volume so you have continued progress and build resistance to injury, rather than cause it.
Let each number represent a new volume level. This would be a 12 week progression.
1231, 2342, 3453, take a week off and CHANGE exercises. Then begin again.
Frequency of workouts depends on your recovery ability. You probably are not spending 23 hours in lockdown per day, but who knows. Try one of these variations.
Day 1, Workout A. Day 2, Workout B. Day 3, Aerobics/Stretch. Repeat.
Or
Day 1, Workout A. Day 2, Aerobics/Stretch. Day 3, Workout B, Day 4, Aerobics/Stretch. Repeat.
That’s it. I won’t go into stretching or aerobics, which have been covered in other articles extensively. As well, if you are reading this, you should know how to warm up.
This workout will improve muscle size given the sparse conditions, improve the localized endurance and strength of your body and possibly increase the chances of a successful romantic prison shower encounters.
If you need more personalized fitness coaching, contact me at physicalstrategies@gmail.com
Tom Furman has been involved in martial arts and conditioning since 1972. With an early background in wrestling and a student of the methods of the York Barbell Club, Tom immediately separated fact from fiction growing up outside Pittsburgh. Eleven members of his family were combat veterans, the most famous one being “Uncle Charlie” (Charles Bronson) His down to earth training methods are derived from his decades long practice of martial arts and his study of exercise science. The application of force, improvement of movement and durability rank high on his list of priorities when training. He gives credit to hundreds of hours of seminars, training sessions, and ‘backyard’ workouts, including training time with many martial arts legends. He also credits his incredibly gifted training partners who came from varied backgrounds such as Exercise Physiologists, Airborne Rangers, Bounty Hunters, Boxing Trainers and Coast Guard Rescue Divers. His best selling ebook, “Armor of War”, is available at tomfurman.com. His guide to mobility, “Bamboo Gods, Iron Men and Rubber Bands”, is available on Amazon.
